


I can't do it without you

by Junliet



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: 2019 NHK, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, NHK Trophy, no beta we die by Pooh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:54:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21538573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junliet/pseuds/Junliet
Summary: “I want more,” Yuzuru blurted, earning a laugh from Brian and Ghislain next to him before he laughed too, stroking Pooh’s ears. “I can finally go to the final!”((Or, Junliet realised that the last time Yuzuru competed at the Grand Prix Final without Javier there too was in 2013))
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Comments: 17
Kudos: 104





	I can't do it without you

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know. Enjoy? I guess?

_305.05. First place._

“I want more,” Yuzuru blurted, earning a laugh from Brian and Ghislain next to him before he laughed too, stroking Pooh’s ears. “I can finally go to the final!”

Brian clapped him on the shoulder and they relaxed, leaning back to watch Kevin take the ice. Yuzuru clapped for him politely before he stood and left the Kiss and Cry, already being followed by a swarm of reporters and photographers. Everything was such a blur for him, and he felt like he was going through the motions. Skate out into the middle of the ice, bow, hug Roman and Kevin, jump up onto the podium, and smile to the adoring fans of his at home. Applaud them politely as they got their medals, shake hands with Shizuka and exchange a few quiet words and looks only the two Sendai Olympic Champions would understand, receive that glass trophy thing, accept the olive leaf crown oh God why won’t it sit properly on his head when does it stop being impolite to take it off, accept the flowers, to hell with it that damn thing is coming off, sing along to the national anthem, try not to drop anything, and just enjoy being the NHK Trophy champion after the disaster of 2017 and not being assigned it in 2018. Everyone laughed at the height differences between him, Roman, and Kevin, and how Roman painstakingly avoided holding onto his waist after the Autumn Classic last season. He went on a goofy little spree, waving to the audience before he started putting the crown on everyone and anyone.

And all of that showed Yuzuru was fine, no matter how much the word kuyashii was whispered. Better than fine. He was going to the final after two seasons away from it.

For a few hours, reminding himself that going to the final was enough to keep him afloat and happy. Through the press conference, he was happy. In the car he was smuggled back to the hotel in, he was happy. When he hugged his mother and his family who had made the trip North to Sapporo, he was happy. When they took him out to dinner to celebrate the win, he was happy. When they bid him goodbye and let him go up to his hotel room himself to review his skate, he was happy. When he’d finished writing up notes on everything he had to work on, however, his mind finally went to something else.

Or someone else.

Almost on autopilot, he reached for his phone, fumbling with it as he dialled the familiar number. Half of him hoped it would go onto voicemail.

“Hola?” A tired, very familiar voice crackled through as the signal dipped, “Quien es este?”

Yuzuru’s heart caught in this throat and he had to cough quietly just to get rid of the lump so that he could talk properly. “Javi?”

The Spanish words stopped, and the familiar voice on the other side of the phone and the other side of the world made his heart flood with emotion. “Yuzu? Hey, you’re at NHK at the moment, aren’t you? I haven’t been able to look at the results of the free programme, but I’m sure you did so well.”

“Popped the quad toe,” Yuzuru mumbled. Javier burst out laughing, and the comforting sound warmed Yuzuru from his tummy.

“But you won, right? I bet you won nice and decisively like how you want to.”

Even though Javier couldn’t see him, Yuzuru rubbed the back of his neck and smiled bashfully. “Yeah, I won…”

“By how many points?”

Yuzuru mumbled something, and he could almost hear Javier’s eyeroll. “How many points Yuzuru?”

“Gojuugo….”

“Gojuu….. Oh, fifty five? Well done! That’s amazing Yuzu! So you’re heading to the final, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Yuzuru swallowed, desperately blinking back his tears, “y-yeah…. The final…”

The silence was a little painful for a moment, and Yuzuru bit his lip as he waited for the other to speak.

“Is everything alright?” Javier’s voice was so gentle and comforting. It was like the familiar hand in training that was there to pick him up when he needed it in training after falling on a jump. It was the comforting hand on the small of his back at galas, just providing silent comfort when the weight of Yuzuru Hanyu started to get too much. It was the smile that became a constant in his life for six seasons. It was the voice that always whispered encouragement to him, congratulations to him, and words of comfort when he didn’t achieve his best. It sounded like home. “Yuzu, what’s happened? You’ve not hurt yourself again, have you?”

“No,” Yuzuru said quietly, sniffing as he tried to collect himself.

“Hey, Yuzu, hey, are you crying? What’s wrong?” Javier’s voice was so gentle, so loving, so caring, that Yuzuru’s heart hurt. He couldn’t help it; he burst into tears, gasping as he sobbed down the phone. Javier patiently stayed on the line with him, even though he was probably meant to be rehearsing for Revolution on Ice or something instead, until Yuzuru managed to calm himself down enough to speak.

“I-I can’t do it,” Yuzuru choked out before he buried his face in Pooh-san’s back.

“What are you talking about?” Javier’s voice had the slightest hint of amusement in it as he spoke. “You can do it. You’re Yuz—”

“That means nothing Javi!” His voice cracked and he started crying again. “T-the last time I competed at a Grand Prix Final without you was 2013.”

“And you won it, and broke a world record,” Javier pointed out patiently.

“And fell on the quad sal,” he mumbled, sniffing still. “H-how?”

“How, Yuzuru?”

“I can’t do it without you,” Yuzuru whispered, just loud enough for the phone to pick up, “J-Javi, I can’t do it without you.”

“Yes you can,” Javier said, with kindness and clear love in his words. Like magic, they helped to calm Yuzuru down and just having Javier on the line with him helped Yuzuru to regulate his breathing. “Where are you now?”

“Hotel room,” He mumbled into Pooh’s fluffy head.

“Drink some water. Or some of your weird jelly stuff. Remember when you made me try it and I spat it out cause it was so weird?”

Yuzuru, despite his tears, giggled as he reached for both his inhaler and his bottle of flavoured water. “It’s not weird! It’s nice.”

“Yeah, sure it is,” Javier’s teasing tone brought out more giggles from Yuzuru. “What are you performing in the gala tomorrow?”

“Only Pooh-san knows, sorry. It’s a secret.” Yuzuru said decisively, unable to hold in his giggles as he imagined Javier’s pout.

“Oh, I get it. The tissue box gets to hear more than one of your best friends. I see.”

Yuzuru laughed, properly laughed, at that. Javier laughed too down the other end of the phone and it was like music to Yuzuru’s ears. It wasn’t just that the laugh meant Javier was happy. It was the sound of happiness itself. If Yuzuru had to explain how happiness felt to him, it would be gold medals and Javier’s soft laugh, especially accompanied by the goofy smile he only showed to the people closest to him.

“You’re one of my best human friends. But Pooh-san knows everything!”

“Oh really? Does Pooh-san know the order you like to eat your lunch in at the rink?”

“Well, no, but—”

“Does Pooh-san know which pair of socks is your favourite?”

“Javi that doesn’t count—”

“Does Pooh-san know how ticklish the side of your neck is?”

“You wouldn’t dare—”

“If I was in your hotel room right now, I would be tickling you.” Javier said firmly to himself, so much so that Yuzuru could almost hear the nod in his voice. Someone spoke to Javier, too quietly for the phone to catch, but Javier’s response was caught. “No I’m not dirty talking someone! Shoo Ashley! Shoo!”

Yuzuru let out a honking laugh and fell back on his hotel room bed, looking up at the ceiling with Pooh-san resting on his stomach and his phone still held next to his ear. It felt _so good_ to hear Javier again, especially because he was clearly having so much fun with his successful show. Yuzuru chewed his lip lightly, thinking of his own summer plans. Obviously, he wanted to stay healthy, and hopefully win everything, but after that it would be ice shows. Maybe it was time to bring back his beloved Continues With Wings again, and maybe, just maybe, Javier could be there in person this time….

“Earth to Yuzu! You’ve not fallen asleep to the sound of my voice again have you? God, you’re worse than Effie sometimes!”

“I’m fine,” Yuzuru mumbled down the phone, stroking Pooh’s head idly with his thumb, “just miss you.”

“Oh Cari,” Javier’s voice softened until it was as gooey as a good brownie, “I miss you so much too. I can’t wait to see you again soon, mi amor, in Torino. I can’t wait to hug you, hold your hands, kiss you, spoil you, cuddle you in a hotel room, eat food that neither of us really should, and watch a movie cuddled up under a blanket until we fall asleep in each other’s arms. I can’t wait to spend your birthday with you. I can’t wait to walk around Italy with you. I can’t wait to see you again, Yuzu, and walk with you around the city where the first person from your country won the Olympic gold.”

Yuzuru smiled weakly and wiped at his eyes, trying to keep his crying quiet. “I can’t wait to see you too Javi.”

“Feeling a little better?”

Yuzuru nodded before he cleared his throat. “Yeah. Talking to you always makes me feel better. Thank you.”

“Any time,” Javier’s tone made Yuzuru’s heart flutter, “any time for you. Now rest, okay? Get a good night’s sleep, and perform like you always do in the galas, especially at home. Have fun tomorrow, alright?”

“You too,” Yuzuru kept stroking Pooh’s fluffy head. “I love you. Dai suki da yo.”

Yuzuru could practically feel Javier’s smile through the phone and from across the world.

“Te amo, Yuzu,” Javier whispered back, “see you soon.”

“Bye Javi,” Yuzuru hung up and just let the phone rest on the pillow next to his head as he lay back. He just stared at the ceiling and stroked Pooh’s ears still as he let himself just think and clear his mind.

_You don’t have to be Yuzuru Hanyu right now. And you don’t ever have to worry about doing it without Javi, cause he’s always supporting you. Always._

“Still can’t do it without you,” Yuzuru whispered to the empty room before he finally summoned up the energy to put his phone on charge and go for a shower.


End file.
